Vampires vs the Bronx (2020)

 

(Photo courtesy of heavenofhorror.com)

Netflix has greenlit some really good horror movies in the past, I just wished that this was one of them.

Vampires vs the Bronx is one of those movies that was made for the sake of making a movie. It was uninteresting, uninspiring and honestly just plain boring. 

Vampires vs the Bronx is directed by Oz Rodriguez and stars a smattering of actors of color who just fall short in every way you look. In fact, the only white people in this movie were the villains and it wasn't even a subtle hint that white people are the bane of urban development and a hindrance to a specific neighborhood's way of life.

The movie focuses on a group of kids stumbling upon a vampire one night and discover a larger plot to overtake the Bronx. These kids then take it upon themselves to fight them. There was zero time taken in their decision making thought process and their reasoning was, "the adults won't believe us," despite the continuous disappearance of shop owners in the area which they attributed to," oh, they got bought out and moved away overnight." That's a little too convenient for my taste. 

The entire movie was a rip off of Fright Night and the vampire design and lore were just straight up torn out of an Anne Rice novel and Joss Whedon's scripts. 

Our exact reactions when watching this movie. Also, this movie probably gave us cancer. (Photo courtesy of Entertainment Weekly)

I think this is our shortest review to date. There's nothing of note to talk about for this movie. The script was a let down and the plot was trash. The only thing that was redeemable for this movie was the production value, which I believe they could've gotten so much more for less. 

Also Zoe Saldana was in this movie for a good five minutes? 

Asian Does Horror gives this movie one ghost emoji out of five. 👻 Suck on that. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Top Jiangshi (Chinese vampire) movies to watch

Image
   Image courtesy of tiffanyhscho.com. She does a review on the top five Jiangshi movies to watch. I've always had much love for Jiangshi (stiff corpse, hopping vampire, Chinese vampire) movies. There was something about the mythology derived from the historical background of corpse transportation that evolved into full blown lore that just captivated me and kept my eyes glued to the television screen. For the Jiangshi, the historical background was pretty obvious. Back in the Qing dynasty, there were a lot of migratory workers that would die far away from home. Fearing that their souls would become homesick, poorer families would pay corpse drivers to transport these cadavers back home - usually at night. These corpse drivers would bind the hands and feet of the cadavers and slide bamboo poles under their arms so that they could be transported upright. While the corpse drivers walked, these cadavers, under the light of the full moon, through dark forests, would be seen "hoppi...
Read more

The Medium is an atmospheric mockumentary love child from two brilliant minds

Image
  The love child of Banjong Pinsanthanakun and Na Hong-Jin, raised with so much love and attention. (Image courtesy of kompas.com) Horror movie royalty. From L-R: Na Hong-Jin and Banjong Pinsanthanakun. (Image courtesy of zapzee) When news first surfaced that Na Hong-Jin and Banjong Pinsanthanakun were collaborating for a new horror movie, we were stoked! Even if you're not a horror movie buff, you must have heard the movie "Shutter" circling throughout conversations and recommendations of the scariest Thai horror movies out there.  I know many friends that still tread carefully around the movie deeming it one of (if not)  the  scariest horror movie they've ever watched. And for good reason. Shutter propelled the already established Thai horror movie genre into international acclaim, even earning a Hollywood adaptation. A straightforward plot of revenge from the afterlife, Shutter was beautifully edited to include multiple twists and turns that kept viewers on their ...
Read more

Wangi (2019)

Image
  Like a bad poster for a porno Like all low budget Malaysian horror movies directed by someone that can't agree on a fixed name for himself, Yeop Hitler/M. Hitler Zami/Latiff Zami (goddamn dude, the Hitler in your name isn't even the worst part. Commit to one!), Wangi is a diabolical mess of camera angles, a confusing story, horrible editing and a mediocre script.  The start of the movie begins with Sharnaaz Ahmad beating the shit out of something off screen while Erra Fazira cowers in the corner. It then cuts to another scene where Erra, Sharnaaz and their first child enter the house following the arrival of their newborn. That in itself is just confusing as heck. Like, you want to create a dramatic opening, but because of the shoddy editing, it just doesn't deliver the effect you expect it to - unless that effect is creating a sense of confusion for the audience and a desire to request for their money back.  "Help me, my husband's Malay" Wangi tells the sto...
Read more